Dear Bitcher's Mound,

The Sheetz Convenience Store chain here in Pennsylvania has risen from the humble beginnings of a small Mom & Pop grocery in a quiet residential Altoona neighborhood to a major convenience store corporation in Pennsylvania and some lucky neighboring states. If Pennsylvania were Nevada, Sheetz would be slot machines.

The other afternoon, I stopped with my nephew at a local Sheetz convenience store located in the small capitol town here in Cambria County, PA-Ebensburg-for a take-out cup of Sheetz' justifiably-famous hot, fresh and delicious coffee, a large cup of which costs $1.15, including sales tax. As I was feeling generous, and my nephew wanted a cup, too, I bought a second cup for him, and was surprised when the total cost came to $2.32, instead of $2.30. Where, I wondered, had the additional two cent charge come from? I thought and thought, and finally came up with an answer:

I don't know if it's made the national news yet, but it's certainly caught our attention here in Pennsylvania: there's something of a salmonella epidemic going on here. As of this morning, there are over 160 victims of this cruel disease wandering around in various stages of misery, and some 100% of the salmonella cases have been traced to food items purchased from none other than the Sheetz corporation and many of its fine convenience stores. Lawsuits were already beginning as of the time when I bought the coffee for my nephew and myself the other night, and are growing thicker here, hourly.

Obviously, that was the answer to my question: The additional two cent charge for the coffee was going toward the Sheetz Salmonella Legal Defense Fund.

The extra two-cent charge, if it had gone undetected (I'd used a debit card for the purchase) would've messed up my check book, but certainly wouldn't have broken my budget. It did, however, raise some concerns. And I came to The Bitcher's Mound with my concerns instead of the Sheetz Corporation for a reason: I've written letters to the Sheetz Corporation in the past, about other concerns.

Last year, the Pennsylvania State Legislature-led by Senator John Wozniak-repealed the law requiring the mandatory wearing of helmets by motorcycle enthusiasts. Now, it's of little concern to me how many bikers want to splatter their brains all over Pennsylvania streets and roadways; my appetite might even be considerably improved by the sight of Senator Wozniak's tiny abnormal brain draped over the curb in the front of my favorite restaurant. But as soon as the helmet law was repealed, it was my insurance premium that was increased.

Additionally, the Sheetz Corporation is currently the vanguard in advocating the sales of alcoholic beverages at convenience stores here in Pennsylvania, currently prohibited by state law. If you place the fact that motorcycle enthusiasts are no longer required to wear helmets here in Pennsylvania next to the fact that Sheetz and other convenience stores might soon be able to make alcoholic beverages even more easily accessible to them, and mix in the fact that my insurance premiums have already risen, and now I'm making involuntary contributions to the Sheetz Salmonella Legal Defense Fund, you might be better able to appreciate my concerns.

I need to be able to afford insurance in order to drive my car here in Pennsylvania, and I don't have the money to be able to spend forty dollars for a cup of Sheetz' hot, fresh, and delicious coffee. I've already lost all future interest in their MTOs and their breakfast sandwiches because I've seen the results, times 160 and then some.

The president of the Sheetz Corporation is Steve Sheetz; his name and his Sheetz promises are posted in numerous places in every Sheetz convenience store. If The Bitcher's Mound would like to take up the cause, he is the man to start with.

If you do, please tell Steve-0, for me, that there's some poop on the floor of the men's room at the Ebensburg Sheetz; I'd also appreciate his making sure it's cleaned up by the next time I stop by. The sign in the restroom says that he personally wants to know stuff like that.