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Reply:
Please please please! Tell me that you are NOT kidding! A Peruvian
Whistle
Gathering!? As my daughter would say, "OMG!"
You can't even begin to appreciate the coincidence! I was just today
cleaning out my garage and attic, and what do you think I ran across?
You
guessed it! My old steamer trunk stuffed to the lid with Peruvian Whistles!
I'm sure you can appreciate the memories that flooded over me when I
found
this trunk!
I thought they had long ago been lost during the Great Peruvian Whistle
Raid
back in 1993. You remember those dark days, don't you? How George Bush
had placed a retroactive embargo on Peruvian Whistles, and, try as hard
as he
might, Bill Clinton couldn't stop the Peruvian Whistle Purge that ensued.
I
could never understand Bush's disdain for the lilting, airy refrain
of the
Peruvian Whistle, and I was completely disheartened when he made enforcement
of the retroactive embargo one of his last orders of business while
still in
office. I can't tell you the number of letters I wrote to my congressmen,
pleading for sanity on this issue, but, alas, to no avail. I remember
getting a letter on White House stationary signed by Bill and Hillary
Clinton telling me how they felt my pain, but they were essentially
powerless to stop the embargo before the real damage had been done.
Yes, just seeing those Peruvian Whistles, carefully packed in the padded
steamer trunk, brought back memories of my days on the road with my
band.
It's been so many years since I last saw Tookie, our bass Peruvian Whistle
player. He was always the most fun while we were on tour. To this day
I
still chuckle at his antics, and wonder how many hotel maids were panicked
when they cleaned up the room after our departure only to find written
backwards on the bathroom mirror in scented hand soap, "Help! I'm
trapped
back here!"
We'd laugh and laugh our way to the next town at the thought of the
maids
and the maintenance staff taking the mirrors off the wall to save the
hapless prisoners behind the mirrors! That Tookie! What a wacky guy!
Tookie had a real downfall, though, with his addiction to Mr. Pibb
cola, and
anytime the vending machine at the Motel Six was out of Mr. Pibb, Tookie
would write a stern letter to the Hotel Manager demanding that he keep
a
little more discriminating eye on the stock. I'm sure you can imagine
the
pall that was cast over any tour when Tookie didn't have his Mr. Pibb.
Even now, I can close my eyes and hear the echoes of Tookie blowing
on his
bass Peruvian Whistle. "HOOOOOOT........ HOOOOOOOOOT."
Tookie was a master, and the years that separate us only brings a tear
to my
eye.
Then there was Moe-Moe. He played the alto Peruvian Whistle. He was
the
mysterious one of the group, in that he always dressed in kilts, but
never
referred to his style of dress or his reasons for insisting on maintaining
that persona. I guess he was sort of like Mike Nesmeth from the Monkees,
who always wore a green wool hat and never really explained why.
Me, I played the rhythm Peruvian Whistle, although sometimes on a few
of the
slower tunes, Stinky, our lead Peruvian Whistle player, would give me
a cut.
I never really had the skills that Stinky did, although I'm sure that
today,
with a little bit of practice, I could still hold my own.
Stinky was a master, though. After the concerts, Stinky always signed
the
most autographs. Stinky was like the B.B. King or Eric Clapton or Howling
Wolf of the Peruvian Whistle, and he was working on his doctorate in
Peruvian Whistle at the time of the Peruvian Whistle embargo (I'll never
forgive George Bush for that!). I'm not sure what ever happened to Stinky.
When the Peruvian Whistle raiders came through, they questioned me on
Stinky's whereabouts, but, in good conscience, I couldn't tell them
anything. I think they knew I was lying, especially since I have been
audited by the IRS every year 1993, and I have a few extraneous clicks
and
beeps on my phone everytime I use it.
Anyway, the night of the Peruvian Whistle Purge, I know Stinky jumped
on a
plane to Algeria with plans to move on from there. Algeria was never
really
Peruvian Whistle-friendly, so I'm sure that Stinky only made a brief
stop
there.
I've heard rumors that Stinky is still playing Peruvian Whistle somewhere
in
New Zealand, where Peruvian Whistle players are still admired. I hope
so.
However, your e-mail today gave me new hope! Have you ever heard of
Stinky? Do you know any way that I can get in touch with him? I'm certain
that he would jump at the chance to return for your gathering! And,
I don't
know... A re-union of Stinky and the Whistlin' Peruvians might not be
the
pipe dream that I once imagined. I'm certain I could find Tookie and
Moe-Moe again.
Just let me know if you have a line on Stinky, and I'll take care of
the
rest.
Now I've got to run! I hope my wife didn't set that trunk full of Peruvian
Whistles out for the Salvation Army truck!
Fondly
Jack
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