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E-mail received 8/3/2004: A New Path to Loving at The LightHeart Healing Center An Introductory Evening to TantraNova with Dr. Elsbeth Meuth &
Freddy
The introductory workshop will give you an overview of TantraNova:
where
When: Tuesday, September 21, 2004 7:00pm - 9:30pm
Where: The Lightheart Healing Center 165 South Church
Tuition: $30 pre-paid / $40 at the door
Sign-up: The LightHeart Healing Center at 630-260-1084 or go to If you like further information in preparation for the workshop, please |
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Reply:
I detected just the slightest bit of hesitation in your latest e-mail, and I'm writing to assure you that no offense has been taken. You don't have to worry. I'm not offended by your letter inviting me to An Introductory Evening to TantraNova with Dr. Elsbeth Meuth & Freddy Weaver. In fact, anytime you want to invite me to anything like that, you're more than welcome to do so. My wife and I are very liberal minded when it comes to practicing TantraNova, and we regularly practice TantraNova until we need ice-packs and talcum powder. I think this all started when my wife was taking Lamaze classes in anticipation of our first child. She wasn't pregnant or anything. We just decided to sign up for the classes to see what we were getting into. As it turned out, it proved to be quite an ego-boost for the little woman! We'd go to classes and everybody would say, "Gee! You look great!" That tickled my wife right down to her yoni, even though it was coming from a bunch of women who were swollen to the size of expired Brahma bulls stretched out next to the Nile on a muggy day, and were twitching from their braxton hix contractions like they had their lower chakras attached to strobe lights. So, we went through the Lamaze classes and for the first time learned the true importance of exercising the PC muscle group. Not that we were any slouches when it came to having toned PC muscles or anything, but, I'll tell you what, since my wife started doing these PC exercises, we can make it almost the whole way to Indiana on the Interstate before she has to stop and take a leak. Anyway, after going through with the Lamaze class, we went ahead and decided to start a family, and then we signed up for another Lamaze class just for good measure. Of course, we went to a different Lamaze class this time, since my wife was now really pregnant, and since she took on the proportions of the cooling tower of a nuclear reactor, we didn't want to risk the chance of anybody knowing that she wasn't pregnant the first time. Well, what a mistake that turned out to be! I really didn't think you could OVER-develop your PC muscles. Man, was I wrong there! Even to this day, I need to take a Flexeril to have a bowel movement. I've been taking yoga classes in hopes of one day taking a drug-free dump because the Flexeril is causing gas and hallucinations, which is a lousy way to start the day, farting and seeing Abraham Lincoln singing "Love Me Tender" while sitting in the bathtub next to me. So, now we've got PC muscles that put Popeye the Sailor Man's forearm muscles to shame. In fact, I'm pretty certain that, if we could find a way, we could kick Popeye's ass after a spinach soufflé, all the while pulling a locomotive from Denver to Los Angeles. I guess that's a good thing for my wife since my son was born with a head the size of a weather balloon. Even though he's since grown into his bean, at the time, I was standing there in the birthing center of Copley Hospital watching the obstetrician perform an episiotomy on my wife, all the while imagining that my future attempts at intimacy would resemble a hot dog shooting down the center aisle of the St. Patrick's cathedral. I even suggested the doctor throw in an extra stitch or two for me, which only elicited dirty looks from the rest of the delivery room staff. Well, let me tell you that today, I am a firm believer in exercising those PC muscles. For one thing, my writer's bump is completely gone. And when we're doing the old "YabYum," I want you to know that we bring the expression "making soup" to a whole new level. So, you can count my wife and me in on your Introduction to TantraNova. I have one question, though. Will you be providing towels, or should we bring our own? Fondly Jack |
